Uranus and Freedom

What is freedom?  What do I wish to be free from?

Today I ask myself.

Freedom is to be myself.  I wish to be free from bondage, limitations, inhibitions, conformity, mediocracy, rigidity, tradition.  Yet the fixity of my strong will is imprisoning me in my reality.  Avoidance of one and the perpetuation of another, seems like a good idea, but not really.

A deep-seated fear of tradition, routines and limitations results in a rooted need for constant change.  Change is comforting, because with an upheaval of existing situation, a channel is created to release the energy built up within.  This is the energy of Uranus in conjunction with the Sun.

Yet, I am not really running away from anything in actuality.  What I have illusively appeared to have avoided, is waiting for me at the other end of the circle.  I imprison myself with my rules and stubbornness, just as I feel society or tradition is imprisoning me.  How smart can that be?

The deep need for change is also one of futuristic vision.  Uranus runs the energy of the “Universal Mind”.  There is a deep desire to bring forth new insights, to inspire, to breakthrough.

So what is freedom to me, what do I wish to be free from?  I ask again.

Freedom is to be myself wherever, whenever, however, in any or all circumstances.  Where I am not compromised in any way by any external or internal fluctuation.  No planets, no moon phases, no sun, no squares or trines or retrogrades can deter me from my neutrality and equanimity.  No past lives, no karma, no life lessons can touch my peace.  No drama can extinguish my humor.

That, is the freedom I wish to be.  Be free from attachments and the entanglements, to transcend and rise like the phoenix and to touch the far gates of the Universe like the condor, to look at God face to face like the Hummingbird.  To become fearless.  That, is the freedom I wish to be.

One Heart. Peru.

Dear Universe,

I was asked recently, why I work, and the reason is simple, because it gives me joy.

I quit working full time when I was 31, the time when most people’s career are their top priority, simply because I love working on myself more than for any company.  A few years back, I came to the conclusion, if I could work on myself and at the same time do it in a situation I am passionate about, wouldn’t that be great?  Since then, you have conspired to assist my decision in miraculous ways.

The vision of One Heart. Peru. came one day.

It came as a vision that burns my eyes with tears of great joy; the unity of hearts, of One Heart, made everything fall into perspective.  What would be a better place, than Peru, my happy land, Peru, for this to happen?  When we harbor joy and passion in what we do, this joy spreads and attracts instantly.

For many years, this was a symbol that I saw, the shape of a heart with the globe within it.  I understood then that the seed of One Heart has been embedded in my consciousness way before Peru came to my awareness.  I attempted to describe this vision to a designer friend, and together we manifested a logo for One Heart. Peru, which also gives an optical illusion of “I Love Peru”, how absolutely amazing!

A few weeks later, http://1heartperu.org was created.  I still feel a little shaken up with excitement by the fact that this was a gift from my neighbor!  A website would answer a lot of the questions within me, yet I have not intentionally planned to create one.  Coming into terms of broadcasting my work and myself have still been something to get used to.  My neighbor, who told me he did this for me, because he read my passion and would like to help spread it.

But of course, you know all of this already.  You helped create it!

Thank you Universe!   Thank you again and again and again.  I have doubted so many times, of myself, of reasons numerous, and you have not failed to answer.  I wish for nothing but to keep my joy strong, my love fierce, my faith burning and echoing into the far corners of the world, so that not me, but you, may reach and touch all delicate souls.

Remind me dear Universe, when those doubts still entangle, remind me  to keep my passion and intention pure, only because love is my mission and devotion.

And thank you again for showing me the magic.

Always at your humble service,

Adele

Logo designer: Yee

Website designer: Nand

The Virgin, The Scorpio, Pluto and greyness

The Virgin, the Scorpio, Pluto and greyness.  I don’t even know where to begin.  New Moon in Scorpio, the Mother of all Dark Moons, sacred darkness that birth pure light.  This is one of the new moons that have caught me by surprise.

Every question, all the hidden and so well disguised parts of myself came into full light.

Wow.

Nothing is more inspiring to me than the discovery of oneself.  This is the sole purpose of my life, the discovery and re-discovering and the continuous reflection and renewal of oneself.  And now I know why.  I understand why it is crucial for me to keep rising above myself, a recurrent theme of death and transformation and I understand why it may not be the same for everyone else.  I have understood why it is almost instinctive to keep the challenges coming, just so that I can keep adding those levels of experience.  And now I understood I can do it more consciously.  Choose less difficult situations.  Choose to make more beautiful situations right, rather than dark ones.  We really have the choice to everything.

The perpetual virgin, who is but also the mysterious scorpion, the two sides of light and dark, the extremes of existence, is wishing to come into greyness, neither black or white, but something in between.  It is exhilirating to have the freedom to not be just black or just white, I am thankful for such a journey to have known absolutes, they certainly have their purpose in my life.

And I would never do it any other way.  The intensity of Pluto and my sun has brought me this far to allow me the wisdom to see the truth of it all.  And I have seen the intensity.  This same intensity I now know I can use it towards the light.  And I do not have to keep running away anymore.  I now know what my fear is.  It is not my darkness, but my power.  And I am ready to let go of this greatest fear of mine.

photo: www.jonejone.com

Thank you

Thank you to all the people in this life whom I have loved deeply and intensely.  Thank you for sharing your hearts with me.  You have opened my heart in one way or another.  Thank you for our meetings, for our partings.  Because of you I have embarked on a journey to understand more about love.  Because of you I have learned to love without possession, without attachment.  Because of you I have tediously, continuously, repeatedly stripped down myself and the ego, to learn more about myself,  in renewal and strength.

Thank you for training this heart to become a heart of gold, where there is no fear.  No fear of losing anything, as love can only alchemize, it can never be lost.

Thank you for misunderstanding my love at times.  Thank you for teaching me to not take it personally.  Thank you for teaching me that ultimately I have nothing to explain, and when I am not there yet, at least, be direct and straightforward in my expression.

Thank you for our alikeness.  Through you I can see so clearly of myself.  Through you I know I am not alone.  There is nothing greater than sharing amongst fellow human beings, a true sharing is when we understand without need for action or language, when our energies merge and melt together,  thank you for brotherhood and sisterhood.

Thank you for our differences.  Through you I can also see so clearly of myself.  The parts of myself that I resist.  The parts of myself which are kept shadow, that are so well disguised that I could never, ever believe it to be a part of myself.  Thank you for making my blind spots apparent and clear, so I can clean them up and walk with clarity in all directions.

Because of you I have come to understand that love can never be contained.  It’s nature is to radiate.  Thank you for sharing that love and now I am to share it with the world.  Love is neither the body nor the grasping, it is neither the words nor the promises.  Love is never fear.  Love is the fragrance, a meditation, it is when self dissolves.

Thank you for all the gifts you have gifted me.  Most of all, for giving me the treasure of discovering who I am.

Being Human

I have to admit, I am not very good at being human.

There are not a lot of things in this humanly experience that interests me.  I appreciate many things, but very few things wow me, and there is not much I can’t live without.

The function of food to me is a medicine and a hunger reliever, I don’t crave for it and I am happy with the most basic and simplest of tastes.

The external world does not interest me much, so I don’t watch TV or the news, as everything that requires my attention and improvement is within me.  I believe in changing myself, the world will somehow be better.  When people discuss fervently about world poverty or war or racism or the United States, I have nothing to say.  I just wish to go home and work on myself.

I have in the past loved many things.  When I have experienced letting them go,  I know when I love something to its fullest extent, then it is the best time to let it go, and I can.  Anything that I can’t yet let go, it is because I haven’t loved them fully, or have mistaken love for dependence.  When I took away the dependence, I discovered I don’t really love them anymore.

Materialism is a warning signal that flashes when my spirit is bored, I can happily live with the most basic of  materialistic possessions when spirit is warmly fed.  I am a firm believer of making life easier and with more convenience, consumerism to me is all about freedom, not imprisonment.  I am not resistant to money or wealth, and does not romanticize about poverty, money like everything in life, is energy flow.  I do not feel saddened when I part with money, and I am eternally grateful when it is received.

When I say I don’t have money for something, I don’t mean I wish to keep the money aside for something else, I really mean it doesn’t exist in my bank account;  I never lie about my finances , this is not something shameful nor secretive to me or the world.  I don’t have a car or own real estate, and I don’t have debts either.

Apart from procreation, sex to me is an expression when two people wish to engulf and contain each other’s energy fields, in an attempt to experience union with God.  However the only truth for sex is, it never lasts.  What we experience in that moment and wish to re-experience over and over, is the letting go of ego, time and space.  Therefore, sex, at best, is a temporary solution to a much deeper search.  Fleeting options, however enjoyable, is still never the real deal.

I work because it gives me joy and only because of that.  I do not work because of the money.  Money is a natural attraction because of the joy I create.  The more joy I create and experience when I work, the more it will benefit everyone.  I believe the future of the corporate world depends on cooperation rather than competition, but that has to begin with oneself.  It begins with integrity, that again, has to begin with oneself.

Yet, I am here this time, as a human being.  I have come here to have the human experience.

And I humbly ask to learn to be more human, as this is the only reason I am here.  I will begin by honoring the body more.  Be constantly amused rather than annoyed.  I have come here to be with people, that is the only way to truly know someone, when being one of them, and detached from them, at the same time.  I ask to be more rooted in acceptance, to eventually see the perfection of this arrangement and choice, and to experience the fruits, when I fully love all that is.

Being human is the only opportunity for anyone to experience.  It is through our experience, that God does.  If every single human being can love their human experiences as they are, imagine the awesomeness that God will feel and subsequently create!  That will be the day when heaven is fully felt by all, on earth.  And we as human beings are the only people who can make that happen.

photo: UN workshop

The Revelation

What do I do when I see people I love in pain?  Maybe they don’t feel they are in pain, perhaps it is only my perception that they are.  Maybe they are not ready to feel it yet, or face it, or deal with it, as self-inflicted pain is temporarily always less painful than the letting go of it.

What do I do when I see people I love in pain?  In the past, I would without question, take it all on.  I would find all the reasons in the whole world to link their pain to my insufficiencies.  I would somehow blame it all on myself.  How egoistical that is, everything has to be about me, even though it is through negative rewarding.

What do I do when I see people I love in pain?  Presently, instinctively, I would not wish to be around.  I really do not enjoy the vibration of pain.  I used to identify with pain solely and wholly, and it is a revelation for me to be feeling this.  When I calm down, I would realize this is their choice, this is their karma.  It has nothing to do with me.  I may not understand why they do it, but it is not my place to judge.

What do I do when I see people I love in pain?  I will let them be without sacrificing who I am.  If they hurt me while they are in pain, I am not going to say “please go ahead”, like I always did before.  I love myself too much to do that anymore.

What do I do when I see people I love in pain?  I will talk to you like I have talked so many times, I will open my heart to you to express how I feel.  I will honor your decision, but please also honor mine.  I will tell you it pains me more than anything else to see you not love yourself.  And there is nothing I can do.  So I will just be.  I will keep facing more demons, I will love myself even more fiercely, I will keep looking and releasing my judgments, neutrality will be my devotion, I will honor God, the Mother and the Father within, and be grateful for all that is. I will keep changing myself, to become a better human being, because there is nothing I can change of you.

And I thank you deeply, for your compassion to allow these opportunities in my life.

The New World

I have always been intrigued by the native Indians.  For as long as I can remember, I have always been admiring them in secrecy.  I remembered the time when “Maya” was the word that repeatedly came into my awareness, it was the name I spoke whenever I needed a name.  It was an automatic reaction, I didn’t know what it meant, and I never felt compelled to find out.  Of course, I can also remember the fascination I had with Mexico years ago, I felt this was the place that a part of me came from.  And there were also all the Indians from Africa, Canada and other parts of America that fascinated me.

For many years I didn’t have the courage to own up to these feelings.

The first time I went to Peru, what drew me initially with no doubt, was the Indians.  Yet, I wasn’t able to admit it.  There was another participant on our trip, who had a similar burning desire to learn about shamanism, and our trip facilitator, openly encouraged her learning with the shaman touring with us.  It was easy for me to take a back seat, to let others go forward.  I almost intentionally remained invisible whenever the shaman appeared.  I didn’t wish to let him see my burning desire to learn about their tradition.  I was afraid mostly of myself.

And things always come full circle.  Two years later, I am here writing a blog about Peru, and I will be organizing a trip to Peru in two months time.

With no reason other than being totally open and honest about who I am.  I have been told by a shaman, time doesn’t change things, we have to make the change.  And I made the change to honor myself.  I am standing here, in nakedness, about my passion of the Indians and their traditions, and I am looking forward to learning more from them, about them.  I am being honest about my love and need to be around magic, where I feel most at home.  My heart is deeply connected with the earth, and  I wish to be in honor of the Mother and learn from her.

Many times we are afraid of who we are.  We are afraid most of the power we see in ourselves.  We wish to remain invisible, where things go on as they always have.  We have spent years and years doing that.  That time has come to an end.  Now we have to become the truth of who we are.  Not for egoistical pride, but for the progress of the planet.  Everyone of us count.  Many of us may be working behind the scenes, many of us may not claim any credit, but the most important thing is to begin to see ourselves in true light.  This light will assist us in walking our own unique path, and all these paths will one day lead to the same place.

This is the time to drop the ego, drop our insecurities, our embarrassment, our excuses to become Spirit.  Honor Spirit, believe in your heart, and paths will open up for you, things will fall into place.  Become faith and live in trust, be naked about your fears and love your insufficiencies.  Be real and nothing else.

Are we ready for the new world?

I think we are.

Love and Peru

I wish to speak of love.

Who am I to write about love?

How could love ever be written about?

I wish to speak of love.

And I wish to speak of it not because I know, but because love is the entirety of me, it is what I am made of; it is what makes sense to me. I wish to speak of it; it is the air I breathe; the reason I am breathing.

“There is nothing but love. But even love is nothing.”

These are the words I have heard so clearly a few years ago, when I decided to clean up the garbage in my consciousness. Love is undeniable, but I am not to grasp onto it. There is no need to hold onto anything, since it is the whole of the whole, it can’t be grasped; it is so expansive that it has to be experienced entirely and fully. Focusing on any fragment of it, is just a fragment, if we hang onto that fragment as our knowledge of love, it is just like the blind person thinking the trunk being the elephant.

Love is never fragmented, it can’t be documented or described, we can only experience and remember. If we attempt to hang onto love, it slips away like sweet smoke. A lingering sweetness, yet empty ultimately. Even this will pass, everything we call love, when focused in its fragmented state, will ultimately pass. Divine love always is, always has been and will be; yet it can’t be compartmentalized and spoken of.

Only experienced.

And I experienced that in its fullest glory in Peru.

Sometimes I feel I can never begin to share my experiences in Peru, because to begin, I would have to start telling you about my whole life, or even more than one life. I would have to tell you everything I have learned and experienced about love, and even of the things I haven’t learned but just knew. Peru to me is not a shape or an occupation of space in the map of the world, I have never been there as a tourist. Peru to me is the thread that connects deeply with my heart and the heart of the land, the heart of all people there. This love flows both ways, and it has always been flowing.

But I must share with you my experience of Peru, because of her, because of her people; I am fully myself, with all my insufficiencies, with all my love and fears. Within her embrace, I am protected and whole, because I know who I am and I am now not afraid to live and be it.

We are in truth one heart, one love. We are in truth never separated. And to move forward, we have to do it as one. In service, I invite you to step into the sacred land of Peru, in experience and remembrance of who you truly are. When one remembers, we all do.

Afterword: The book “Love and Peru” came to my awareness after my last trip to Peru.  The voice spoke so loudly and clearly, that I wrote about it after I returned home, the result being this piece of writing.  This book that will materialize one day in form, is already energy circulating within my entire field, bringing me into remembrance all the parallel realities I have experienced, experiencing and will experience with the land of Peru.  My return to this land will assist in this remembrance, and the experience of love, for one and for all.

(above article was originally published in http://1heartperu.org)

Triple Eleven

Today is November 11, 2009, a day of triple eleven.

I love the number 11, for a start, it is my life path number, when all individual digits of my birthday are added together, it comes to 11.  The number 11 to me looks like two people standing together, in unison, in equality. No wonder, when the 2 digits of 11 are added together, the result is 2, a number of harmony. Although you can see, the two 1s are standing separately from each other, not intertwined, they are independent and supportive, rather than co-dependent.

I am no expert in numerology and I have never intentionally studied the mystery of numbers.  What I do know is I am an odd numbers person.  I have a natural affinity for odd numbers.  My birthday and birth month and all the digits (except 0 which is neither an odd or even number) in my birth year are odd numbers.  When I was in school, my class number (numbers assigned to students according to their names in alphabetical order) was an odd number, in fact, the same as my birth date.

The definition of “odd” being not divisible without a remainder, single;  can also mean, extra, remaining over, and of course, unusual, peculiar, strange.  11 being an odd number, and 2 being the most harmonious of numbers.  I am sure you can see the dilemma here,  of an inherent desire to be in union yet a necessity to remain independent.  How true it is of my life.

Some say the number 11 is a master number, a number of the psychics, representing intuition, illumination and deep insight.  The number 11 has all the qualities of a 2, only super charged.  11 is a number that acts like a bridge between spirit and man, and for a 11 person to flourish, their perspective has to be one that is beyond themselves.  It is quite common that a 11 person gets overwhelmed by the grandiosity and vastness of their goals and experience depression as a result.  They may also experience something similar due to their hyper-sensitivity.

11 is also a number of double creativity. 1 being an extremely creative number.  Those who share 11 as their life path number may find many more obstacles in expressing their creativity compared to other numbers, as they have more issues on confidence to work through before their creativity can eventually shine.  It is all about flow for the number 11, when energy flows, everything is in sync.

So on a day of triple eleven, what is one to expect?  Being a 11, with super-sensitivity being an inherent quality, the effects of the 11:11:11 energy began to make its impact on me a few days ago.  I began sleeping a lot, this happens when there is energy integration going on in my body.  I’d fall asleep anywhere, everywhere, at anytime.  This also fluctuates with periods of insomnia, the insomnia didn’t cause a drop in energy, rather an intensification.  This on and off of bursts of energy coming through has brought me to bed at 8pm last night, although I would have wished to have done so, probably, at 3pm.

Therefore on this day of powerful energy, a portal may or may not be opened for us to delve deeper into some mystical, mysterious dimension.  A flowering of my consciousness may or may not happen.  The planets, the Gods, the angels and all may or may not align to assist us.  All I know is I have something to say that I haven’t yet expressed, and there is no better time to say it than now.

For the first time in my life I am truly grateful for all aspects of me.  Every small detail, every flaw, every piece of history, any residual pain lingering, everything I have once judged…I want to shout from the mountains how much I love the entirety of myself and nothing will stop me from being who I am this moment.  There is no turning back and I am glad I got on the roller coaster ride.  I can’t be happier and nothing is to worry about, everything in a moment has all dropped away, including me. If I don’t exist, so how can anything affect me ?

How enlightening this moment is.

photo: www.jeffreychanworkshop.com

Unbound

Unbound me, dear spirit, bring me to the depths of the depths of existence, lift me to the apex of experiential beingness; free me to become every imaginable energy, allow me the beauty in the discovery of myself; show me again and again your wildness, lest I forget who I truly am, sheer ecstasy and joy.  Remind me always to honor your wildness that is also mine, unbound, unlimited and free.

Unbound is the natural state of my spirit.  Life is nothing but a yearning to be spirit.  I wish to be unbound from the baggage this body accumulates, I crave for lightness.  Purification of thought, of action, of existence lightens my soul.  The desire to understand the body, is a desire to transcend being bound.  I am not my body, nor the thought patterns that gets trapped in each muscle, each bone.  I wish to be freed from the limitations, through wild dance, I become spirit, pure energy.  I dance not, but spirit does, through this body, in ecstasy.  When spirit moves me, I am moved, emotionally, physically; I am in spirit.  How do I explain this is all there is to live for?  When the holy spirit consumes my every cell, becomes the entirety of my existence, how could I describe the rapture, the pure bliss?  Spirit does not come from a book, spirit is pure experience; do not preach to me about spirit, but show me, that spirit is in you, it is you.  Through song, I sing my spirit to me, it consumes this moment in time and space, becoming infinity.  It connects each vibration, becoming it, we become each other, in unity.  Spirit dances in the speed of light, connecting universe to universe in no time, no space.  Freedom is not a physical state, neither is it a moral dilemma.  Freedom is the natural state of spirit, it is the state we are all inclined to return to, and most certainly one day will become.

photo: UN workshop